NBA Viewing Guide: 2 Teams to Watch, 1 Team to Stay the F*** Away From

 The NBA season is upon us. The big dogs get a lot of attention, but I want to spend some time talking about under-the-radar squads. Here’s two under-the-radar teams that I’m super excited to watch. And also one team that’s going to be so boring that watching them will make us all want to jump in a pit of syringes and daggers rather than risk our sanity watching their sorry performances.

Let’s get into it.

Under-the-Radar-Fun-Team #1 : Sacramento Kings

Merely having the thought that the Kings might be (*throws up in mouth*) fun to watch this year has caused a burning sensation in my very soul. In a chaotic and ever-changing world, I could always sleep soundly knowing that the Kings were a dumpster fire of an organization. I’m not saying they’ve turned things around — I’m not a madman. But this team’s diverse collection of young talent could be a fun watch.

The Kings are tall, fast, and lengthy. I’m optimistic they’ll play at a faster pace than last year. I’m excited to watch the big man combo of Willie Cauley-Stein,  Marvin Bagley, and man-returned-from-the-grave Harry Giles. You’re right – I didn’t include Skal Labissiere on that list. Let the controversy ensue.

I’d love to see Dave Joerger give De’Aaron Fox the keys to the *very banged up* car and just watch him fly. I’m well aware that cars don’t fly. Bad metaphor, I’ll do better next time.

The Kings are to the NBA what the Transformers are to movies. Thrills, excitement, and chaos, but overall, a low quality product.

Under the Radar Fun Team #2: Denver Nuggets

The Nuggets won 46 games last year and missed the playoffs after losing to the Timberwolves in the last game of the regular season. They should be a lock for the playoffs this year.

The Nuggets play one of the most entertaining styles in the league. Nikola Jokic is a maestro – duping defenders with fakes in the post and hitting cutters with cerebral passes. Jamal Murray quietly scored 16 points a game last year. His offensive is a little quirky, but I love the way he slithers around in pick and roll. The next time you watch Jamal Murray, you won’t be able to get the word slither out of your head. SLITHER!

Will Barton is an absolute maniac (in a good way). His skills aren’t the most polished, but he plays with reckless abandon. He’s the small market version of Marcus Smart.  

With the additions of Isaiah Thomas and Michael Porter Jr., this team is teeming with interest (that’s plus 5 points for using homophones. Don’t remember what a homophone is? Your second grade teacher would be so disappointed). Can Thomas be the offensive dynamo he used to be? Can Porter Jr. be the offensive dynamo he used to be? (you know, when he was 16 and 17 years old…)

The Nuggets are the Cirque Du Soleil of the NBA. Impressive physical abilities, tons of flair, but not exactly the favorite event of the Common Man.

On the other hand……Atlanta Hawks

Once the early excitement watching Trae Young wears off, you’re going to want to avoid this team like the plague. I feel like we don’t actually have plagues anymore, so it’s hard to imagine how bad a plague really is. Based on everything I’ve ever read about the Bubonic Plague, suffice it to say that plagues are at least equally as bad as watching the Atlanta Hawks on a random Tuesday in February.

The term ‘rebuild’ is honestly too generous for Atlanta’s current state of affairs. This team isn’t yet rebuilding because they’re still broken. The Al Horford, Paul Millsap, Kyle Korver, Jeff Teague nucleus slowly dissipated and now we’re left with a muddle of young guys with questionable upside. Trae Young is going to jack, Taurean Prince is going to crash his way into the paint for challenging layups that he will miss, and Kent Bazemore is going to remain on the threshold of being good for the rest of his career. I do, however, like John Collins, but there’s only so many times I can find myself amused by his springiness. After all, I’m not one of those creeps who gets off on springiness.

The Atlanta Hawks are the Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter of the NBA.

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