Week 6, here we are. Time flies when you’re having fun. I’ve looked at this slate of Sunday games probably 8-10 times and it feels WONKY as former blog boy, Bill Simmons, would say. A lot of games where you’re like, “Wait, I believe in Trubisky on the road as a favorite?” or “How do I NOT fade the Texans as 10 point favorites?!” (quick plug for the Tums Preview of the Week where I give my thoughts). However, this is not a betting preview article. This is the prestigious Siciliano Ears Red Zone Rankings, where we rate how great your Sunday Red Zone experience is about to be.
The Slate – Week 6
We have an absolutely DELICIOUS early slate today. Yes, I just used the word to delicious to describe football but I think it’s called for given we get 9 games early. This three hour window is certain to be electric. I hope my guy, Siciliano, is well-rested and ready to rock. A schedule like this means one thing: stack your bets during the 1pm games and give yourself a chance to yell every time they cut to a different games. Here’s what I’m pumped about during the early games.
- Buccaneers @ Falcons -3: The return of Jamboooie. If you’ve read or listened to any NFL content here on Full Slate, you know how excited Pepe Slyvia and I are for this. Add in the fact that all of us could score a TD if we played in this game with these defenses.
- Panthers @ Redskins +1: Redskins just got DESTROYED on MNF and look to bounce back in this spot. Graham Gano answered my prayers last week with his 63 yard FG against the Giants to save all my investments. I expect points and some big plays in this one.
- Cardinals @ Vikings -10: The official Lock of the Week of Full Slate as discussed on the Pick’em Pod. The entire reputation and future valuation of this blog relies on Kirk Cousins. So, yeah this is in the exciting game section for us at least.
- Steelers @ Bengals -1.5: Guaranteed cheap shots, unsportsmanlike conduct penalties, and touchdowns. Sign me up.
- Chargers @ Browns PK: The Browns are one of my favorite teams to watch through five weeks. Every game has been close and gives Hue Jackson the chance to further his reputation as head coach most likely to make me LOL at any given moment. Combine that with Philip Rivers and you’ve got a marquee matchup.
- Bears @ Dolphins +6.5: Until about a hour ago, this one would have been in the poopy games bucket. However, a very special thing happened ladies and gentleman. We are blessed to get the return of the Brocketship against Khalil Mack. I’ve been running around NYC alerting the masses to take the Bears and couldn’t be more excited for the Brocketship to Brocketship (yes, it’s a verb).
And here are the “Oh, I’m hungry and should go grab dumplings” games in the early slate.
- Seahawks @ Raiders +3: “You sound like you’re from London!”
- Colts @ Jets +2.5: This was my Grocery Store Game of the Week on the Pick’em Pod and I stand by it.
- Bills @ Texans -10: Tums Preview of the Week! Let’s circle the wagons #billsmafia!
Life is a game of trade-offs. One after another. Red Zone Sundays are no different. The early slate is like this scene from Wolf of Wall Street. We are all those employees from 1-4pm today. As comes with the territory, this sets us up for a sad late slate. These times are when you proactively tell your gf, “You still have those giftcards, right? We should go use them!” Thoughtful and showing you’re wiling to sacrifice your football Sunday for the greater good. You’ll thank me later, with the exception of one game.
- Rams @ Broncos +6.5: FIRST SNOW GAME, I love snow football!!!! Add in the fact that the Rams are the best team in the NFL. Okay, so you should pull this one up on your phone while doing said shopping.
These two are the antithesis of exciting football.
- Ravens @ Titans +2.5: Any game the Titans are involved in is automatically gross.
- Jaguars @ Cowboys +3: Cowboys aren’t quite at Titans-level disgusting but they’re not THAT far off.
=((1 * Entertaining Games) – (0.5 * Poop Games)) * (1+Weekly Multiplier)
FYI – weekly multiplier is a subjective ranking of how exciting this week’s slate is. The multiplier will typically live between 0%-50%.
=((1*7)-(0.5*5)*(1.3) = 6 Siciliano ears!
Listen Andrew (I know you always are), this 1pm slate is going to be everything we need and more. Give us enough electricity to carry us through the poopy-filled late slate as the entire world’s Sunday Scaries set in. We need this!
P.S. Prepare for takeoff @Brocketship!!!!!!!!