It’s a beautiful day here in NYC. Sunny, no humidity, projected high in the low 70’s. Really an exceptional day to be outside and enjoy what the world has to offer. However, like any true degenerate NFL fan (e.g., Detroit Don and Superfan), we know that couldn’t be more irrelevant to your day. You may see the outside world through the window in your living room, at the sports bar you’re watching at, or maybe on a quick halftime pizza run. This blog is for all of you who would prefer NFL Sundays to be 50 degrees and rainy so you get less flack from your significant other and friends who don’t get NFL Sundays (red flag) for sitting somewhere for 7 hours and absorbing the non-stop football action. I love the 7 hours of Andrew Siciliano Red Zone action, which inspired this blog last week and will continue to be my inspiration for the rest of the season. So, for any first-time readers, let’s do a quick refresher before I dive into the Week 4 slate of games.
I rank every Red Zone Sunday slate of games on a scale of 1-10 Siciliano ears. I’ve came up with the following proprietary formula to do so. Again, since Andrew and I have spent so much quality time together over the yEARS, I feel comfortable that I can post this blog and know that he’ll be honored when he someday reads this.
((1 * Entertaining Games) – (0.5 * Poop Games)) * (1+Weekly Multiplier)
FYI – weekly multiplier is a subjective ranking of how exciting this week’s slate is. The multiplier will typically live between 0%-50%.
The Slate – Week 4
8 games early and 4 games late. This is better than last week’s 10 / 3 split so I’ll take it. Here is a quick big brain idea for the NFL – stagger the games like the NCAA does during March Madness. If you really want fans to be truly glued to the TV all day, this is the solution (@Roger Goodell, you’re welcome). Back to the rankings. Here’s what I like in the early slate.
- Dolphins @ Patriots -7: If Ryan Tannehill leads the Dolphins to a victory today, has he finally taken the next step? Is this the year Brady and Belichick can’t get it done? I think the Pats get back on track today and would like to see my fair share of this one on Red Zone.
- Bills @ Packers -9.5: After last week, I’m incredibly curious to see what Josh Allen does at Lambeau. I need Red Zone to cut to this game anytime he takes off and runs since there’s always a chance we get another hurdle.
- Buccaneers @ Bears -3: I know Fitzmagic stole the show with his outfit after the Buccaneers Week 2 win and has largely played very well this year. I’m secretly praying for a vintage Fitzmagic implosion in this one. Maybe 3 picks and a Khalil Mack strip sack for a TD. I need Jameis back out there slinging the rock and eating W’s.
- Bengals @ Falcons -3.5: Over/Under is 52.5 and I have a feeling this one is going to be all over Red Zone today. If this one is anything like last week’s game in Atlanta (80 points), we’re in for a treat.
The other four early games leave a bit to be desired.
- Texans @ Colts PK: Colts were my lock of the week as discussed on this week’s Pick’em Pod (#plug). Take the Colts and make this one more interesting.
- Jets @ Jaguars -7.5: *Toilet flushing*
- Eagles @ Titans +3: The Eagles were Pepe Silvia’s lock of the week (yikes). Avoid this game and the Titans like the plague.
- Lions @ Cowboys -2.5: Just dozed off thinking about this one.
The late slate offers up some fun ones.
- 49ers @ Chargers -10: This was my Tums Preview of the Week. You might be scratching your head and thinking, “Jimmy G is out you idiot.” That is true but anytime you have the opportunity to pull for / root against a late C.J. Beathard passing TD to backdoor cover, you have to be tuned in. Plus, I’m here for anything Philip Rivers is involved in.
- Browns @ Raiders -2.5: I’m all the way in on Baker Mayfield. I imagine the rest of the world that took the Browns last Thursday is with me too. With that defense, I think the Browns actually become an interesting team with Mayfield under center. Anyone who can do this has that necessary IT factor needed to be a great leader in the NFL and life in general.
- Saints @ Giants +3: The Saints are always going to be included in the entertaining category for me since their offense is so explosive and the defense is hot trash.
Only one dud in the 4pms!
- Seahawks @ Cardinals +3.5: Use this time to create a Pros / Cons list between ordering Chinese or Thai for dinner.
= ((1 * Entertaining Games) – (0.5 * Poop Games)) * (1+Weekly Multiplier)
= ((1*7)-(0.5*5))* (1.2) = 5 Siciliano Ears!
To be honest, there are some stinkers mixed in this week. I have to be a harsh critic in order to keep some integrity with these rankings. But, the truth is that any NFL Sunday >>>>> any other Sunday activity so let us never forget that fact. Enjoy your NFL Sundays and may your locks be fruitful on this beautiful day.